Zach Snyder’s Cut

Can we please talk about the garbage pile that we were coerced into purchasing as willing Justice League fans or comic book enthusiasts?

$14.99 is what I paid for a low-quality square box viewing experience on my 75-inch UHD TV.  They said it was like that for IMAX.  However, that does not explain why it contained dialogue that was unclear at time.  Low light dark scenes.  Terrible previously cut scenes of intolerable acting and weak monologues. 

Also forced down our throats was an unfollowable story line at times as the cut offered an abundance of irrelevant plot additions.  It had a lower quality viewer experience compared with the theatrical version.  It seems as if the only purpose of the much-anticipated release was to create revenue in a company to compete with Netflix and Disney+ or other streaming services.

Wait, did he just say what I think he did?

Yes, yes I said it. As fans and consumers of the products of our childhood, especially on the big screen, the Hollywood glutinous took advantage of a group of people who were starting to finally enjoy a D.C. lineup, other than batman, and paired it with a streaming service sought to only deceive people into believing we should spend the $14.99 to watch the never-before-scene Zack Snyder released version.

Do you know the real reason that mediocre version didn’t make it as an alternative to the theatrical version? Because it was not professionally done as it was unfinished, lacking the in theaater quality we all expect to see.  It was not polished for maximal enjoyment by its fans. Imagine walking out of the theater with your family after spending $50 + on that mess of a movie.

Of course, Mr. Snyder was dealing with a family tragedy, my condolences, but Joss Whedon was able to right the ship to create, in my opinion, a blockbuster.  Although Whedon has been the target of recent criticism and backlash from some apparent abusive behavior, this article is not about him specifically.

Unnecessary dialogue included in the Snyder Cut

As a child growing up in the 80’s and 90’s, I would rush home to watch Batman on the television as soon as I stepped off the school bus.  My sister, my brother, and I would be glued to the screen, fully immersed as the Dark Night enforced the Rule of Law and his own version of justice. 

Most of the time this behavior created a need for disciplinary action from our father as we would forego our chores to catch a chance at Bruce Wayne secretly, single handedly gutting the under belly of the crime syndicate in Gotham or taking on the unimpressive super-villain.  However, it was worth the spanking and verbal lashing received for disobeying our parents.

For the new fans of the comic universe born in the 2000’s or later, I was not able to grow up in a time where you could pause the TV, or we were too poor to know that was a thing.  I was not aware of the on-demand experience we all have access to today.  Matter of fact we had a black and white television that our parents forced us to watch in our rooms when they hijacked the one-color TV we did have.

I was at the mercy of the network and its discretion of time to broadcast shows, so any chance we had to watch a cartoon version of comic books, we were there.  As an adult, a chance to consume an adaptation of my childhood comic book addiction in the form of visual ecstasy is a dream come true; count me in.  I have also passed this love to my own son as well.  We share in the excitement of my youth and make this a father/son ritual we enjoy together.

Adult Content Follows

So, when the Zack Snyder cut came out, I could not wait.  I waited for a month for the opportunity to see another version of a movie I already enjoyed.  Instead, my childhood hero “Batman” (in a very unnecessary scene with the Joker) is now, clear as day in my mind, having anal sex with the insane meth addict as he graciously reaches around to give Batman a professional courtesy.  As this is customary in a one-sided beneficial interaction so the powerless don’t feel left out as the giver fulfills their sexual desire…

Can you imagine someone’s kid around the age of 12, “Dad, Mom, what is a reach-around?  Well, my child, it’s where you **** ***** with a partner.  Out of mutual respect and to share in the enjoyment, the person with ***** ******** ***** kindly reaches forward and gently strokes, ******* ******, so you don’t feel bad or like a victim.

Kind of like what Warner Brothers did to all of us. “Hey you took it and we appreciate it, here is HBO for your trouble.”

I can hold myself accountable for my blunder and waste of money. But they should be ashamed trying to pass that film off as a gift to those who had to sit through the unbearable Snyder Cut.  Leading up to the release, all I heard was a campaign promoting the Snyder Cut. But it failed miserably when compared with other highly anticipated comic book genre movies even for DC standards.

In addition to the failed attempt to impress with an alternate version, how hard would it have been for AT&T/ Warner Media to stream the film differently??  Come on AT&T, you own other ways to stream this movie cheaper.  I can watch a child unbox and review toys on YouTube, but you are unable to share this subpar film with less of a cost to the consumer?

Why It Was Always About the Bottom Line.

Warner Media was struggling as a business in general and compared to Disney+, losing the battle to attract subscribers in the streaming wars of 2020.  They took advantage of a society stuck at home because of the pandemic by providing a sub-par adaptation of a much better version of the Justice League already available to fans and charged millions of dollars in the process. 

Companies know markets are benefiting from the many streaming fans in the US and around the world who must self-isolate at home.  The problem for many streaming services is competing with and providing visual stimulation worthy of a monthly cost ahead of its competitors.

It makes business sense to provide content and additional viewing options if a company makes money in such a market, but come on, please create content worth sharing to desperate and interested streamers, especially if you are enticing new subscribers. They are most likely paying for multiple streaming services anyway.  Do not trick consumers into adding a service they most likely do not need.

Maybe I am alone in my anger and disappointment outside of the abysmal movie I suffered through but let us do the math together to see the financial windfall HBO Max was able to create.  With some logic attached and a visual understanding of the money potentially made, we all can see the true motivation to release the extra film collecting that was collecting dust in a storage closet.

Remember, business expenditures at a certain point allow additional subscribers to create nothing but profit as the economic requirement to provide these type of services eventually hits a terminal cost point.

I spent $14.99 to sign up for one month of HBO because obviously a single purchase option to rent does not make financial sense to either business venture involved.  Of course, there may have been other ways to watch the release at a cheaper cost, but Godzilla vs. Kong and Mortal Kombat have me hopeful I made a reasonable decision.

I bet if they are honest that film grossed a higher profit margin than any other film ever made, after considering the use of already paid for repurposed film weighing against new subscriptions or streaming fees across the world.

Let us do the math to better understand motivations for a transaction that likely cost very little money to execute on their end.  I will even lower the charge of $14.99 to an even $14 just to make the math easy. On top of that I will give the remaining .99 cents to the top executives as a bonus for this wonderful film they so graciously shared with the world.

So here we go:

14×10 = 140

14×100 = 1,400

14×1,000 = 14,000

14×10,000 = 140,000

14×100,000 = 1,400,000

14×1,000,000 = 14,000,000

14×10,000,000 = 140,000,000

14×100,000,000 = 1,400,000,000

Now let’s be honest it’s unlikely AT&T and Warner Media were able to squeeze one hundred million new subscribers out of the Snyder Cut release, but 10,000,000 for a $140,000,000 addition in revenue; definitely plausible.

Is it likely that those involved received $140 million in new subscription charges around the world? Absolutely. That does not include the revenue from subscribers who, like me, will forget to cancel it for a year or so; like that annoying gym charge many see on their bank statement every month.

What about the .99 cents?  This money is for the geniuses who were able to charge consumers for the film already recorded over four years ago. If HBO Max had an additional 10 million new subscribers, AT&T and Warner Media executives potentially were able to create:

.99 cents × by 10 million new HBO subscribers worldwide= $9,900,000.

What a way to fatten up the glutinous 1% during one of the worst economic crises the world has ever experienced. In addition, I wonder how much Covid-19 relief money these companies received from American taxpayers?  But I digress.

Summary of Zach Snyder’s Cut of the “Justice League”

The purpose of his Pulitzer prized piece of work is to explain to superhero fans the movie was an overall terrible viewing experience. Inferior in ever way to the theatrical version even when considering the unreleased footage and the alternative plot.

Too much going on. Too much money. Too much of my time.

A shameful unethical business practice created profit, new subscribers, and this angry review form a consumer who wasted his time and money on a unworthy product.

I could go on and on about the level of pistivity this film allowed me to achieve but I feel this is an appropriate place to end a much-deserved critical review to a film that unnecessary used the phrase “reach around” and included the word “fuck.”  

And, in the event you are curious about the missing footage, nothing of substantive value was added.

Final thoughts: Skip the Zack Snyder Cut.  Watch the theatrical version as it is cheaper and an all together more complete, enjoyable viewing experience.  I will give HBO Max a chance, but the movie I was duped into watching; sucked.